I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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