I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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