i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize