I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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