Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My ATM looks so different sober.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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