we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
