so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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