saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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