Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
