We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
