i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
