Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
