youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
