Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
