I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
