I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
