I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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