I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
