and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
