it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
