There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
