A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
