I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is my gift to your gina
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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