I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
