theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
