Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
