If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
