im about as happy as oj after his trial
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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