yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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