we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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