I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
