one two three fourrrrnication!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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