You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
