Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
