He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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