I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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