Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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