I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
