So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
