Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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