U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
