the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
