I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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