tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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