At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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