my sisters under your porch take her home
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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