I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
