Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
