I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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