Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
