It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All the doctor said was why
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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