my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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