y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
